My job includes the super fun task of dealing with our IT Customer “Service” people whenever we have computer problems. After the usual 30-minute cycle of being placed on hold, ranting, being transferred, holding, ranting some more, and so on, every customer service rep that I speak with will have tried to placate me by offering one or more of their pearls of sincerity. You don’t fool me, CSRs! Just like it says on the men’s room wall, I’ve been around the block a few times. I know your concessions are spoken parenthetically, as in, “I share your frustration (LOL, no I don’t)”. Mind you, I’m a skilled interpreter of hokum and I will call you on your bullshit. [Score: Mrs. L – 1; Customer Service – 0] Of course, this simply means that I’ll be drained and fuming when our call ends instead of ignorantly pacified. [Score: Mrs. L – 1; Customer Service – 1,000,000]
Recently, my computer locked and then wouldn’t accept my password to log back on. I hopped on the hamster wheel and got to work.
Step One: Calling Our Rep, Jack
I got Jack’s voice mail (surprise!), on which he provides the number to the Help Desk for “immediate” (hilarious!) assistance.
Step Two: Calling the Phone Number for the Help Desk
I relay my problem to Dan at the Help Desk. He puts me on hold for several minutes, then I hear the phone ringing again and we have an exchange that inspires little confidence in Dan.
Dan: “Hello, X Computer. How may I help you?”
Me: “Hi, it’s Mrs. L. I’ve been on hold.”
Dan: “Oh! I tried to pick your call back up, but there was no one on the line so I thought we got disconnected. Yeah, you’re going to have to wait for your rep, Jack. He’ll be back in the office in about 45 minutes to an hour and he can help you then.”
Me: “45 minutes to an hour? To log me back in? Why can’t you take care of this?”
Dan: “I understand your frustration, but I don’t have authorization to do this.”
Me: “We pay extra to have access to the Help Desk so that we can be helped right away when Jack’s not available, which is frequently. So, why can’t you help me?”
Dan: “Oh, you want the Help Desk? Hold on.”
Me: OMFG.
Step Three: Talking with the Help Desk.
Brian “helped” me next, explaining that “there’s a guy named Jack” who handles our account, blah, blah, blah.
Me: “Why should I have to wait an hour to simply be logged back into my computer? We pay extra for the Help Desk. Do you work at the Help Desk?”
Brian: “Yes, but I’m not authorized to take care of your problem.”
Me: “Then what are you authorized to do?”
Brian: “I understand why you’re frustrated, but Jack has to help you with this.”
Me: “OK. What can you help me with?”
Brian: “Anything that’s not related to a system or network issue.”
Me: OMFG
Step Four: Talking with Jack
An hour later Jack logged me back into my computer, explaining that it was no big deal. This is a common problem with an easy fix.
Me: “Then why couldn’t the Help Desk take care of it?”
Jack: “I know. I share your frustration.”
Me: “I want to know why the Help Desk couldn’t take care of it. When we renewed our contract, it included the provision for access to the Help Desk so someone would always, always be available. Why are we paying extra for this if no one there is authorized to help me?”
Jack: “I share your frustration, Mrs. L, I really do, but the guys at the Help Desk aren’t trained to handle your account yet. They’re getting there, though!”
Me: “(Well, fuck you very much! Have a really shitty evening!) OK.”
Here's hoping that Jack’s a skilled interpreter, too.
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