Happy Halloween!

Halloween is upon us! This fantastical break from the norm is the holiday season’s clarion call.  Ushering us away from summer’s final, languid whispers, it's the perfect instrument for arousing us from early autumn dreaminess. The anticipation, festiveness, and excitement for Halloween reawaken our holiday-muscle memory, minus the toil, expense, and crazed over-scheduling that November and December offer in abundance.

Happy Friday!

The haunting "Hotel Plaster" by Nicole Atkins:

Wishing you a spooky and festive weekend!

Customer "Service"

“I share your frustration.” Has there ever been a more specious statement uttered? The entire genus of customer service sentiments – “I completely understand”, “I can see why you’re upset”, etc. – evolved for the dual benefit of giving the customer the impression that someone genuinely cares, while not having to put forth any actual effort on behalf of the customer.

Sparkly Happiness Forever

I love America. There’s no shortage of ways to waste time and/or resources and that’s a big part of what makes us great. I also love weird stuff. Sadly, the U.S.’s production of weird stuff has fallen way behind Japan’s, which is why it’s such a challenge to find the really good weird stuff in neighborhood stores. How lucky is it that I can turn to the World Wide Web (Shout out to the 90s! Holla!), a confluence of ludicrous merchandise and time-sucking websites? Herein are some of my faves.

Know Your Audience

One of my high school English teachers used to regularly admonish us when assigning composition topics, “Know your audience.” This is sound advice for casual conversation, too. I present Exhibit A (actually it’s the only exhibit):

Touch Me

S. and I walked downtown with our pups over the weekend. As we passed a wizened, disheveled homeless woman, she reached out and grabbed S.’s arm, blurting something I didn’t understand.

ZOMG! It's Christmas!

Yeah, no it’s not. Not even a little bit. I was at a big-box store this week and they already have their Christmas merchandise on display. IT’S MID-OCTOBER. I want to fully enjoy fall and Halloween and after that, Thanksgiving, you know, the holiday before Christmas. Granted, the store's "Seasonal" section isn't exclusively rows and rows of teetering stacks Christmas cards, lights, ribbon, bulbs, stockings, and garlands; it shares the space with the slightly anemic Halloween area. When I spied the vastness of Hallowistmas, at first I recoiled and then stared suspiciously as if there was risk of being snared should I turn my back on it. It’s obscene in both size and content. There’s just something unsettling about the juxtaposition of sexy witch costumes and stuffed Mr. and Mrs. Clauses.

One ill-fated mom had a grave look on her face. Two boxes of glass ornaments or a tub of plastic ones? Her wriggling, importunate son was holding a bag of Halloween candy up to her face. Dear Lord, I thought, choose the plastic ones! When I encountered her again later in the cereal aisle, she had a few bags of candy, a sparkly pumpkin, a garland of fake cranberries, and both the glass and plastic ornaments in her cart. She didn’t make eye contact. I took this as a sign that she was appropriately ashamed of capitulating to the megastore pimp.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Christmas. LOVE. Hardcore. I just don’t want it all up in my shit until Christmastime. Right now I want to relax, have a mug of cider, and savor the splendor that is harvest season. Wait for me, Christmas; the day after Thanksgiving it’s all you, babe.

Happy Friday!

This is an oldie, but a goodie.  Ryan and Sheri Killackey took more than 10,000 photos and converted them into this amazing short film, A Day in California.  I hope it inspires you, as it does me, to revel in the great outdoors this weekend, wherever you are.

I Heart Geo

On my way home yesterday, I was stopped behind a Geo Metro at the light. “Geo” has the singular ability to warm my heart like no one else can; it was my first car. Encountering Geo is like running into my first love, as in Rusty my first “love” from preschool, not Carlton my first love from high school who transformed me into a living, breathing, burbling, hissing cauldron of wretchedness. Anyhoo, I couldn't help smiling when I saw that poor, beat-up little Metro yesterday.  It took me back to a time of freedom, of unworried fun, of youth.

Happy Birthday, S.

The month of October is very special to me.  Both of my beautiful godchildren were born in October and, of course, there's Halloween, so wonderfully weird, spooky, and nostalgic.  From my perspective, October is fall (my favorite season) in quintessence.  The evenings finally begin to cool and the days ease away from summer's fervor.  Taking in the air's earthy, herby fragrance is at once invigorating and calming.  And the colors!  The landscape is as vivid and saturated as the luscious fruits and vegetables of the autumn harvest.

I Hate Okra

Several of my friends and family have dabbled in online dating. Mostly, it sounds like a hideous experience with one exception: The Profile. I've been with S. since the dark times (1990) when there was no public Internet. I feel like I really missed out with regard to posting my official self-portrait and my dating dos-and-don'ts online, cached in perpetuity as countenanced by the gods (AKA website moderators). I realize that composing one's profile can be quite a chore, stressful even, for some; still, I hate to be left out of the loop. Plus, I feel like I could inject this process with a degree of candidness that might be...refreshing? I've mulled it over and offer you, my dear reader(s), my would-be online dating profile. I'm so excited!

Convo with My Mom

Me:  "Hi, Mom!  Did you have fun at the [annual party]?"

Mom:  "Yes, I had a good time.  Of course, a lot of people remember me.  I guess I didn't change very much.  This very fat man said, 'Remember me?  You were at my [hiring event]!'  I had to be polite and say, 'Oh, yeah!' even though I didn't remember him.  I guess he was skinny then."

Me:  "Ohhhkaaaay...well, I'm glad you had a good time."

Mom:  "Thank you, hun."

Hello!

It's here, y'all! Welcome to The OGG Fan Club!  The Original Glen Gingrich Fan Club is an inside joke between four friends. My ramblings will be a tribute to our discursive conversation that germinated the idea for this blog. A word of caution: things might get a little weird in here.

Enjoy!