The Highlight of 2012

I was asked today, “What was the highlight of your year?” The year is, of course, not yet complete, but I can still answer unequivocally that the highlight of 2012 was my cousin, P.’s, wedding. The ceremony and accompanying three-day celebration were very, very special in every imaginable way. For their festivities, P. and R., the bride and groom, chose a private-lake reserve, nestled among majestic redwoods and peppered with lovely cabins and tranquil spaces for camping. A hiking trail bordered the spring-fed lake and there were canoes for exploring the nooks along its serpentine periphery. Each day I plucked and ate apples from one of the fruit trees growing on the property; deer ate those that speckled the grass underneath. At night I would gaze in awe at the plentiful stars, warmed by the campfire, good whiskey and the presence of friends old and new. That Saturday P. and R. made their pledge, under the aegis of a canopy of heritage oaks and their friends’ and families’ effusive love.

Being in the presence of pure joy is transformative. On this occasion, for me, the effect was a monumental amount of healing. Three weeks earlier, my first cousin, P.’s dad, died unexpectedly. The shock from the sudden void in our family was grievous. I was in agony – for my family and for myself – and couldn’t conceive of feeling anything but sorrow in the foreseeable future. It felt wrong and sickening to have to say goodbye to my dad’s nephew, my first cousins’ brother, my younger cousins’ father, and one of the first friends I had as a child.

I can’t deny that I felt a degree of anxiety about my cousin’s wedding. It would be the first family event minus P.’s dad (outside of his funeral) and I worried there would be mourning and awkwardness that outshone the reason for our gathering. I worried that I’d feel guilty for being happy and enjoying myself. But it wasn’t like that at all. Over the previous weeks I had allowed myself few sensations unrelated to grief, so it felt wonderful to be with family again and for all of us to share in something beautiful and sacred after bearing the weight of intense, horrifying tragedy.

Liberation from grieving - if only temporarily - was such a gift, but this alone isn’t sufficient to deem P. and R.’s wedding the highlight of 2012. I can’t adequately describe the love and support that dominated the atmosphere, the unqualified happiness that everyone felt for the bride and groom, and the jaw-dropping creativity, detail and care that P. and R. put into their celebration. It was truly a unique moment in time and undeniably the highlight of my year.

P + R